anyone without asking a question?
There. I have asked a question!
Questions are an interesting part of human communication. Quite often they can be really helpful, of course. As a journalist and a priest, questions are part of the toolkit of vocational expression. How are we to understand something by not asking a question if the truth is not immediately apparent?
This border collie seemed to be asking a question of me in this picture that I love from a landscape photography course I went on in the Lake District three years ago. The tilt of her head is questioning - Ethel does this, as did Jess before her. Even animals ask questions, it seems.
Yet questions can also be way of deflecting unwanted attention away from us. We can use questions as weapons, even. And when we are the fragile recipients, they can make us fight back or run away. When 'how are you?' demands an answer and 'fine' just won't do - what then?
Tonight I learned something new. People who are living with dementia do not find questions helpful. Instead of asking questions, suggests Oliver James (author of Contented Dementia), find ways of playing 'verbal pingpong' that enables the other to respond to forms of open-ended conversation starters: such as the words 'perhaps', 'I suppose', 'I wonder', 'some people say', 'I've heard that' and 'I can't imagine...'
The wonderful Godly Play technique of teaching bible stories, which we have all grown to love in recent years, also develops that much more hospitable, open-hearted, 'wondering' approach to truth-seeking which is less hostile and certainly never about closing down options. 'I wonder...' always gives a sense of possibility.
I wonder... what you think of questions...
I have a question today that will be foremost on the minds of the family a young twenty two year old man who died in his sleep last month:
ReplyDeleteWhy did you take him away, Lord?
His funeral takes place this afternoon. There will be no answer to that question, I am sure.
I ask God to hold them in His peace today and in the future.
As they cry out,
‘ My God, my God, why have you forsaken us?’ ,
I pray they will also remember the words of Jesus,
‘ And surely I am with you to the very end of age. ‘
Looking through the radio listings, one programme on the World Service caught my eye because its title was a question: “Where are you going?” The presenter describes herself as naturally curious about where people are going so she simply stops strangers in the streets and asks the question “where are you going?”. What a great job!
ReplyDeleteLast night’s episode was from Cardiff. It is fascinating to hear about the wide variety of lives and experiences of those she questions. Two friends were on their way to town, one to exchange a game, another to go to work at the cinema. This was after recording together a comedy podcast to bring more joy into our chaotic world. A group of men were just coming from a meeting to improve race equality in sport for BAME young people. One man was on his way to a meeting about bringing mindfulness into the workplace. His own meditation practice helps him in his own challenges in life. Then there was a young family on their way for afternoon tea to celebrate a 30th birthday.
One simple question can open up conversations from which we learn about the rich diversity of life. Asking questions and listening to how others live and respond to life’s circumstances can inspire us, encourage us, increase our understanding of other ways of living, and can help put things in our own lives into perspective.
Questions reflect a searching soul, an enquiring mind, a curiosity about the wonders of life.
And just think of all those questions we read in the Gospels which lead to some of Jesus’ greatest teaching. Here are just a few of them:
Who is my neighbour?
What must I do to inherit eternal life?
Who is the greatest?
How many times should I forgive?
Which is the greatest commandment of all?
Contented Dementia by Oliver James is a fascinating book. Rather than focussing on what someone with dementia is losing and can't do it focuses on what they can do and can enjoy. The other two principles he states are firstly to listen and let yourself hear what the person is telling you. Don't dismiss what is said because you can't make sense of it. Accept that the sense may well be there, but you have to recognise, find it and interpret it. He gives examples of things that did need a bit of probing but did make complete sense in the story of the person's life. The last principle is not to contradict. What the person has said in true, sensible and relèvent in their context. We need to accept their reality, not expect/insist they recognise ours.
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